Independence From Being Independent!

On this Fourth of July, I suggest that we all celebrate the independence from being independent! So while everyone else is calling up the White House to lambaste the poor executive branch for exercising its inherent right to do whatever it wants, I figure I’ll be put on hold for a significantly less amount of time when I tell the operator that I want George W. Bush (our 43rd best president) to implement an executive order (which he may or may not choose to abide by) to declare America’s independence from being independent! I mean, this whole land of the free, home of the brave motto just doesn’t hold water anymore; we’re obviously no longer free and we certainly aren’t that brave. I’m not sure if instead of shooting off fireworks we should all just shoot ourselves, well at least those damn hippies in New Hampshire whose battle cry is ‘Live Free or Die’. They’re not free, so they may as well just die. Same goes for that dude who said ‘Give me liberty or give me death’. Texas-style execution for him, baby! What? He’s been dead for centuries?! Well, we’ll just pretend it was Bill Clinton that said it and kill him instead!!! Tell you what, we’ll let Scooter Libby be the hangman.